Dear Mobile Telephone People, who do I have to write about in order to get myself off this damn texting list? I have been patient, I have called the helpline, I have texted my issues to the code provided and I have even tried to get used to the unsolicited messages, but I have just about had it.

It is not that I have anything against comedy – I enjoy a good laugh and I am glad there are Ugandans making legitimate money somewhere instead of lamenting about how certain tribes have ‘their’ cash. Well done and keep your socks up. However, I did not sign up for these weekly text reminders to attend the comedy night and I therefore resent getting them. It is an invasion of my personal space, even though said personal space is located on your bigger network.

It is not like my mail inbox, where I can just mark you as unwanted spam and get on with my life. No… twice a week I will be going about my business when my telephone will alert me that I have a text message. Sometimes I will refuse to read it for ages, thinking it is the offensive unsolicited texts, when in fact it is someone I know saying something I need to hear. Then other times, I will grab the phone, expecting it to be a text from my beau telling me how fabulous he thinks I am and how he cannot live without me – and those are the times I will be confronted with the weekly invite to the thing I have never been to and do not intend to attend, with the way things are going.

Furthermore, I am a self-confessed grammatical snob. I cannot stand letters, emails or texts which are written in heavy slang, code or broken English, and this appears to be part of the ‘humour’ in these invitations. So instead of being enticed to drive 80km to Kampala in the night to watch said shows, I am actually irritated as I cannot understand half of what I am being invited to do.

So, shall I be subtle and hope people take the hint, or shall I just come out and ask MTN to get me off things I did not subscribe to? I had recent trouble with my TV providers, but seeing as they have the monopoly and my son demands his Teletubby rights, I had to tread fairly politely. But in this world of dual sim cards and talking paka-whenever, surely mobile phone companies cannot afford to be offending customers? I know you are busy with the World Cup and all, but a prompt response will go a long way in keeping me out of Butabika. Thank you.

Published on Sunday February 28, 2010